Couple of days back I entered the pristine age of 45. I think it would be more or less close to twenty seven more years before the accumulated karmas, will reset  back to zero and initiate a fresh start. I am working out to balance the karmas and see if the fresh start can be halted, but currently my velocity of reducing the accumulation  is not good enough.

Well, a complicated beginning. Ignore it.

A birthday is a good day to reflect.

I have this nasty habit. Whenever I start reflecting, I fall asleep and it was no different at the beginning of the forty fifth year as well. In the pretext of reflecting,  I had a nice  morning nap. After that saw some missed calls and messages. Returned all of them.

I kept score on who wished me and it tallied ok.  Out of all the people who wish, I just generally keep a count of people, who are beyond the obligatory circle of Quid pro Quid wishing.  Funny habit, you might say. But I keep that count as an indication of my usefulness beyond the obligatory circle. If someone who has no use for me, takes time to wish me, then I pat my back say and ‘Hey man, you are not all that bad’

Talk about a life of ‘No expectations’ which I preach.  It makes for good philosophy.

Now coming back to the reflection paralysis, how do I summarize my 44 even years ?

I would say ‘No Regrets’.

You know I am lying and that statement is pretty clichéd.

I could term it as an epic of regrets.

Then also I would be lying.

My grandmother said while I was in the 12th standard, I will give you one thousand rupees from my pension if you get 1000 marks out of 1200.

Guess my score.


She gave me that one thousand rupees though.

Did I regret ? Yes and No.

Yes – Because I fell short of the required target by one mark

No – Because I got that one thousand rupees in any case

I could easily recall one hundred such incidents for regrets, but I guess  I have to come to accept life as ‘What is life, if there are no regrets ?’ .

It becomes mechanical.

There shall be regrets.

But like in any aspect of life, I have become a witness to the regret , rather than succumbing to it.

Do we all not know ?

This too shall pass.

So where does that leave me after 44 years.

I think I am someone who will pass as the exact mean(Zero Standard Deviation) in a normal distribution or the exact centre in the famously infamous bell curve.

I am fine with that.

Where do you fit in the bell curve ?

Enjoy Maadi (Have Fun)