Every one of you would have had some kind of a conversation like this with someone whom are you close with. Let us call that person X.
X : Why are you late ? You told you will come by 6.
You : Sorry, I had to run some errand.
X: What errand ?
You : ~~~!!!—!!!
Astute communicators would have recognized that ‘some’ in the conversation and stopped probing you further.
Or otherwise, depending on the proximity you shared with ‘X’ you would have continued with elaborating the ‘some’ or in the first place would have been very specific with the ‘some’
Even astute communicators, depending on their perceived proximity with you, will nudge you to elaborate on the ‘some’.
Generally , the elaboration requests by X have no malign intentions , but just a question of satisfying their curiosity appetite.
That brings me to the concept of boundaries and as usual I shall restrict it to myself.
I do see the merit in the advocacy of being boundary less , being transparent and being authentic, leading me to an overall better quality of life, be increasingly aware of the fluctuating compassion in me and others.
It also helps me to sleep more blissfully.
On an unrelated note, sleep never has been an issue to me anytime. I can get to sleep in exactly 120 seconds in a state of rest and in 60 seconds when in motion.
Boundaries are present in every form of communication that I pursue with everyone be it parents, friends, family, neighbours, acquaintances, mentors, mentees and possibly everyone in my sphere of life.
There is some area that I shield selectively from each one of these group and even if I sum it up, there are areas left that no one can ever get into. Call it the individual darknet!
Even in corporate conversations you would hear this ‘ That is way above my paygrade!’. It is not escapism, but words of a good general who knows when, where and how to withdraw.
If boundaries are not present, would we be evolving terms as the ‘Circle of Friends’ ‘Inner Circle’, ‘Circle of Influence’ and do we not guard that circle ?
If you think you do not have boundaries, here is a simple test.
Just see the number of overlapping whatsapp groups that you might have. I am sure if someone draws a venn diagram of the individuals in the groups, it will sure turn out to be funny. Also please see how the admin’s of those groups are savvy enough to accommodate only whom they want.
As I age, I definitely can see myself being more accommodative, but I have become truly boundaryless ?
I think I will never become boundaryless.
There are some areas within myself that shall be always guarded fiercely. When someone asks me what errand, I shall not say, “I had a boil right in the middle of where my you know what meets where I sit and I had to go the doctor to remove it”!
I reciprocate and respect that sense of boundary when it comes to my interactions as well.
‘There is a line I shall not cross’ irrespective of my perceived proximity.
My life is not an open book. I chose the people and chapters!
“Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam” (The word is one family) is a good slogan, but I see that I am not up-to it. At least not yet.
So how about you.
Do you have your boundaries ?
Are you comfortable with it ?
Do you intend to become boundary less ?
Enjoy Maadi (Have Fun)